Since the dawn of time man has aspired to physical perfection.
Like artists, writers and pets that can play musical instruments, those in peak physical shape are lauded by society.
From that dim-witted, strapping neanderthal who could punch a woolly mammoth in the face to the dim-witted, strapping neanderthal who can bench 200kg in your local gym, we worship anyone with a modicum of muscle mass.
Case in point:
Have you developed a radical new mathematical formulation to explain the secrets of the universe?
No-one cares, and you’re a virgin.
Do you have 21 inch arms?
Congratulations, you’re the toast of the party, with a sexual back catalogue that reads like a Game of Thrones script reconceptualised by a 14-year-old-boy who has just taken 500mg of viagra.
Now, come with us as we peel back the vistas of time and take a look at the culture of muscle and fitness through the ages…
The Ice Age
Being fit and strong was part and parcel of everyday life in the Ice Age.
In order to survive, your average “Droog” or “Gorg” had to have a excellent command of throwing, running, climbing trees, lifting heavy boulders, carrying animal carcasses, and chasing sexy cavewomen.
Of lesser import was: grooming, a rudimentary grasp of pronouns, nuanced gender politics, monogamy.
A simpler, better time.
Running away from dinosaurs, throwing rocks and boulders, carrying slabs of mammoth meat, clubbing rival clansmen to death.
Far from the nuts, plants and seeds that today’s paleo fitness crowd would have us believe, the meal of choice for cavemen was, in fact, Dinosaur Ribs (obvious to anyone who’s seen The Flintstones.).
Tarzan, Barney Rubble, The Slag Brothers from Wacky Races.